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Fearmonger's Shop
Fearmonger's Shoppe
Most parents, before turning in for the night, like to make sure that their families are safe and well protected. They check to see that the doors are locked and bolted, that the batteries in the smoke detector are good, that the baseball bats are within arm’s reach. Then they go to sleep — unaware that their loved ones are easy prey for the most terrifying danger of all: deadly snakes.
Many people think that deadly snakes can’t live in cold climates, and they’re partly right: When it’s cold, deadly snakes head for warm places. Homes, for example.
In the home, the favorite nesting place for deadly snakes is at the foot of the bed — under the covers. Here, public awareness is the solution: If every parent would simply whack the bed a few times with a baseball bat before the child crawls in, the danger of bed snakes could be completely eliminated.
But how do deadly snakes enter the home in the first place? The answer is obvious, if only we will think about it. Our municipal sewer systems are teeming with deadly snakes — snakes that were once kept as pets, but of course when their owners found out they were deadly, they were flushed down the toilet. They live in sewers, but when it’s cold they seek a warm place, and what is more natural than for them to try to get out of the sewer the same way they went in?
That’s why the Fearmonger’s Shoppe recommends Safety Seats for every toilet in your home. When closed, Safety Seats clamp on tight to the toilet bowl and keep snakes in. Open it up, and the Safety Seat unfolds to become and elevated seat. You sit 36 inches above water level, safely out of reach of even the longest snake — even those chain snakes that get up on each other’s shoulders.
So give deadly snakes the old one-two: One, beat the bed with a baseball bat. And two, get a Safety Seat from the Fearmonger’s Shoppe, maker of home-defense systems. Remember: Where safety’s concerned, don’t look for savings. Shop at the Fearmonger’s. Serving your phobia needs since 1954.
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