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Herald Star Sons of Knute Upsala Uff das
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Well, it's been a quiet week in Lake Wobegon. Actually, it hasn't been. It's been kind of an exciting week on account of the Lake Wobegon Whippets. Last Sunday at the Wally Old Hard Hands Bunsen Memorial Park, and I don't know quite how to break the news to you, went out and defeated the Upsala Ooftas by a score of 14 to 12. Puts them in the win column now for this year. Record now 1 and 5. Amazing event. Wasn't exactly what you'd call a textbook victory, but it goes in the record books anyway. And the turning point, I guess, kind of came in the third inning when Dutch decided to put on the stall. Strategy which has been used in basketball but seldom in baseball. He told Ernie to go to the rosin bag between every pitch. He told all the Whippet hitters to step out of the box and take their time as often as possible. There's a lot of shoelaces being tied, a lot of trips to the dugout, a lot of trips to the pine tar rag. The game was further delayed for an hour on account of a lost ball. The game probably should have been called on account of darkness, but was not. Mr. Schoefelt, the umpire, has a certain visual impairment that way. And so the last two innings were played in a kind of a deep dusk, actually pitch black, during which the Whippets scored 10 runs and held Uppsala to none. Uppsala said they thought the Whippets had more than one ball in play sometimes. Said they thought there was a little bit of latitude on the base paths. But that's all sour grapes now, isn't it? Our team has won, and tomorrow they'll be meeting the Albany Allgemeinschafft at the park. The time of the game has been changed from 1.30 to 6.30. Where there's dark, there's hope. So let's all get out and support our team. Other than that, not a lot happening in town. Lake Wobegon Herald Star came out on Thursday without a lot in it. In fact, Harold devoted most of his front page to the minutes of the town council meeting of Tuesday, which is not all that interesting either. Aside from the list of people who haven't paid their light bills, which is interesting but hardly news. Sons of Knute got together at the temple, 13 of them and their wives, on Wednesday night to honor the Grand Oya, Mr. Knutson, on the 10th anniversary of his elevation. His grandeur, as they call him, and Mrs. Knutson were awarded a plaque and presented with a number of valuable gift certificates. The town constables, Gary and Leroy, spent Monday in Moorhead at a law enforcement seminar on surveillance. They got back to town Thursday. A case of chickenpox and a lost cat, and I think that's about it. In Lake Wobegon, Minnesota, where all the women are strong and all the men are good looking and all the children are above average. Hope it's sunny there like it is today.
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Archival contributors: Ken Kuhl