Larry Baione, John Koerner, Red Clay Ramblers, Randy Sabien, Butch Thompson.
[undocumented]
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Well, it's been a quiet week in Lake Wobegon this last week. When the storm windows come down, the screens go up here this weekend. Then I suppose it'll be a little bit noisier. You might hear a few more things coming from the house next door and know what's going on. But in the meantime, it's been pretty quiet. This first weekend of May is generally considered the accepted time to take down storm windows and put up screens. In Lake Wobegon, I guess there's some people who sneak their screens up the latter part of April and probably think they're pretty daring. But nobody pays much attention to them. They die of a cold. It's their own fault. They brought it on themselves, have nobody else to blame. Those storm windows in Lake Wobegon, by the way, are the real old wood-frame storm windows. They're not the combination storms and screens, which of course don't need to be taken down and which nobody in Lake Wobegon has because Elmer runs that department down at the hardware store and he doesn't believe in them. He thinks they're foolish and dangerous and he'll never stock them. And the more people tell him the good points of combination windows, the more he disagrees with them and the more foolish he thinks they are. He's that kind of a contentious sort of a person, likes to be in opposition to people. About half of the people in Lake Wobegon are like that. Can't tell them anything. The other half believe in being kind to the first half and praying for them and killing them with kindness, torturing them with good works and understanding. Anyway, he doesn't believe in combination windows. He thinks that combination windows wouldn't stand up to a storm like storm windows do, particularly a tornado. Although the last tornado that came through Lake Wobegon came through the middle of August 1931, middle of August when all the storm windows that might have stood up to it were down in the basement. That was a tornado that knocked one house completely flat except for one bedroom wall that had the door in it and a mirror on the door and the door would still open and close afterward and there wasn't a scratch nor a smudge nor a crack on that mirror. Everything else blown down, that mirror stood up there. It was amazing. People came from miles around to look at that mirror, just to marvel at it, look at themselves in it. It's in the Historical Society now, along with several other mirrors. It's the one without a crack in it, the tornado mirror. That was the same tornado that took a blade of grass and drove it about six inches into the statue of the Unknown Norwegian there in the town square. In a kind of an unusual place where you wouldn't normally expect to find grass on a person. And they tried to get it out, but they didn't get all of it. And it keeps growing out every spring. But whenever he mows the grass down there in the square, goes over and snips it off a little bit. But it keeps growing out. It's not really noticeable. You have to look for it to see it. I mean, the statue is six feet tall with a one-foot pedestal there. And they're talking about putting in a full four-foot pedestal as they planned to do back in 1905 when that was put up in the square. But they didn't have the money for it because all of it went to the sculptor. But they're going to put in the full pedestal sometime so they get the full inscription on there. Something about yeoman farmers and sinewy arms, I guess. But it's there.They've talked about maybe injecting a herbicide into it. But Bud says that he thinks it would leave a big brown... Bud says that he thinks it would leave a big brown stain there on the ground, make it more noticeable than it is, so I guess it'll just stay that way for a while. Anyway, the storms come down today and the screens go up, and if you're walking around the streets of Lake Wobegon here this next week or two until people get used to it and realize how their voices carry, you may find yourself hearing a lot of things you weren't meant to hear. So I just remind you not to come to a lot of conclusions about people on the basis of what they say that you're not asked to make, you know, especially not on the basis of what people say in loud voices. There's a lot of stuff they say softly that might change your minds if your minds were made up, which they shouldn't be. Though, of course, we do like to go around and gather evidence. That's the news from Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong and all the men are good-looking and all the children are above average. Yes, every one of them. Thank you.
First Regularly Scheduled National Broadcast
1980.05.03 Fort Worth Star-Telegram / 1980.04.27 Detroit Free Press / Audio of the News available as a digital download. National weekly b’cast of PHC began, World Theater. Ramblers (Red Clay & New Prairie), Randy Sabien & Larry Baione, Spider John Koerner, and Thompson.
Archival contributors: Ken Kuhl