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Prairie Home Companion

October 25, 1980 St Paul, MN

see all shows from: 1980 | St Paul | MN

Participants

Cathy Fink, New Prairie Ramblers. Red Clay Ramblers, Robin & Linda Williams,

Songs, tunes, and poems

[undocumented]

Sketches, Sponsors, People, Places

[undocumented]

'The News from Lake Wobegon' (full transcription)

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It's been a quiet week in Lake Wobegon until they discovered that there is a constitutional amendment on the November ballot here in Minnesota that has aroused almost no interest anywhere else except in Lake Wobegon, because it affects the people there. I thought I would mention it on the show here. It would add a sentence to the Constitution of the State which would read as follows:
“The aforesaid state known and distinguished as the state of Minnesota, shall heretofore be defined and determined to be ipso facto, those lands, properties and bodies of water, public and private, lying in toto or in partum, within the boundaries of said state, whether known or unknown, and the official map shall so indicate forthwith and hereafter” unquote.

It sounds reasonable but the effect of it would be a great deal of expense to no public good whatsoever, that I can figure out. What they're talking about here is making a new survey of the state of Minnesota. As many of you students in Minnesota history know the so-called Olson Survey of 1872 was full of mistakes, and we all know that. But we've come to be able to live with it. Back in 1872, the surveyors were paid in advance for their work so by the time they went out to survey the County lines and the Township lines, they were in a mood to round things off to the nearest number.
And when it came back, it was discovered that they had surveyed more of Minnesota than there was room for between the Dakotas, Iowa, Wisconsin and Canada with the result that about 47 square miles of Minnesota had to be kind of folded in and scrunched up in the middle so as to avoid problems that would ensue if, for example, you were to have the Saint Croix River flowing out into the middle of Wisconsin, or put Duluth under 3 feet of water. They had to fold the inner corners of the map a little bit and Lake Wobegon, as many of you know lies in that part of the map that had to be scrunched up.
And as a result, like Wobegon does not appear on the Rand McNally. So the state is looking for a way to correct that mistake and straighten it all out, but at a very high price. There'd be a great many towns that would have to be relocated, particularly those that lie alongside rivers that would have to be re channeled. Most of what is now Minneapolis would become part of Saint Paul. With the.. well, it's easy for you, but... with the result that the alphabetical streets of southwest Minneapolis your Aldrich Bryant Colfax DuPont Emberson Fremont Girard Humboldt Irving James Knox and the rest of them would be given Saint Paul-type street names like Hyacinth and Leona and Jonquil and Rhododendron- in no particular order.
A lot of people would be losing a few feet off of their property, and as they adjust the entire state outward toward the boundaries from what Lake Wobegon in the exact geographical middle, there'd be a lot of people would be waking up in the morning miles away from wherever it was they went to bed at night.

It would be a bonanza for lawyers and misery for everybody else, so we urge you to vote against it or not to vote at all. Not voting counts as a no vote on constitutional amendments. Thank goodness the election board in Minnesota has put this item on the voting machines very far down on the lower right hand corner of the machine. But just be careful not to accidentally trip the switch with your foot as you stand there. And they'll thank you for that. In Lake Wobegon, they have no need to be on the map or to be part of Minnesota. They know who they are, and they know where they are. And who they are is.. the town where all the women are strong and all the men are good looking and all the children are above average. Every single one of them.

Notes and References

1980.10.25 La Crosse Tribune / 1980.10.24 Paducah Sun / Audio of the News available as a digital download.

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Human check	"...and all the children are above "