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Well, it's been a quiet week in Lake Wobegon this last week, especially quiet here since the Lake Wobegon Whippets dropped a doubleheader this last Sunday. The Whippets are now 0-4 on the season and in last place in the Saad Shanty League. Or if you want to look on the bright side, as Harold Starr said in his Editor's Notebook column in the Lake Wobegon Herald-Star, they are only four games out of first, and they are one game ahead of where they were last year at this time. He always takes the bright side, Harold does. He's no merchant of gloom and doom. As he says, I've got to live with these people. And he said in his column writing about the Whippets and their disastrous season so far this year, he said, what right do we have to criticize people who are doing their best? Do we imagine that we could do any better? Well, I suppose he's right. When it comes to dropping fly balls and bobbling easy grounders, there really is no better way. Some people do it with two hands. Some people do it with one. Some people let it bounce off their chest. Other people kick the ball. Other people just throw a glove at it as it goes by. I guess it's all about the same, isn't it? When it comes to pitching, though, now that's a precision art. To be able to throw the ball at exactly the right speed and in exactly the right spot, a little bit high and right in there over the plate so that the straight line of the pitch intersects with the curved line of the swing so that it bounces off the bat and over the outfield fence, now that is difficult. And to be able to do it not once but several times in a game, I'm not sure that the rest of us could duplicate it. Scores last weekend, in case you're really interested, were: 1. The Myers Grove Groschlagen 14, the Whippets 2 in the first game. 2. In the second game, the Groschlagen 7 and the Whippets 0. The second game was called on account of fire. Fire siren went off in the top of the first. All the Whippets who were on the volunteer fire department took off, of course. Then all the rest of the Whippets left to make sure it wasn't their house. And when the fire turned out to be a false alarm and none of the Whippets came back, the umpire declared it a forfeit. And under the rules of the old shanty league, the score goes down in the record book as 7 and 0. Which, as Dutch pointed out, trying to look on the bright side, is not the worst score they've lost by and actually is a lot closer than it might seem. So they play the Freeport Flyers next Sunday, a single header at 1.30 in the afternoon. Dutch is not calling it a must game. There are no must games when you're in last. There are just a lot of might games. And since the Flyers are in next to last place, I guess next Sunday would be one of those. I shouldn't make fun of the Whippets. I really don't mean to. Because I know what it's like to be on the losing side like that, you know. We were all brought up not to be quitters. And yet on the other hand, we were all brought up to use common sense. And sometimes there's a conflict between the two. That's hard to resolve. When you're out there on the field and you're getting creamed and just basted. And you can hear your mother's voice saying, It's only a game, dear. If you don't enjoy it, play something else. Use your common sense. And you put your head down and you start to run in towards the dugout and you hear your dad's voice. And your dad is saying, When the going gets tough, the tough gets going. Stick in there. Winners never quit and quitters never win. But a lot of people who stick in there never win either. A lot of tough people never win. A lot of tough people would like to get going, but they can't because their dad is telling them to stick in there. And that's the whippets. I don't know what the problem is with them this year. Sometimes people just try too hard, don't you know? Winners, they all look so easy out there in the field. They're just running around out there in the outfield, having a great time, and jiving around and dancing and giving each other five and giving each other a little skin, you know, and they're all loose and easy and having fun and having a wonderful time. And it's us losers who are standing out there and our faces are grim and tight and we're all hunkered down there and we're just concentrating as hard as we can. We're just so focused in on it. And we're telling ourselves, keep your eye on the ball. Watch that pitch. Keep your eye on the ball. Watch it. And we watch it. It goes by. Strike three. Called strike. Had the bat on your shoulder. Holding that bat so tight you couldn't swing it. Coach tells you to relax. You guys go out there. Relax. Have a good time. It's only a game. But how can you relax when you know you're going to lose? Winners, they're the ones. They can relax. Whippet's now getting together for prayer before games in the dugout. But they know what God is going to say. God is going to say, it's only a game. You want to get rained out? Maybe I can rain you out. But I can't manage this team. Oh, it's hard. Oh, it's so hard. The only thing we got going for us, us losers, is hope. Winners, you know, winners, they're all thinking to themselves, this can't go on forever. Someday this is going to change. I don't know as I can deal with it. But us losers, we know we can deal with it because we've been dealing with nothing else all along. And we're thinking next week. Next week could be different. Time is on our side. Winners, they don't want change. Losers are hoping for change. And we know that change is inevitable. It's got to come our way. Maybe next Sunday. The Wally Old Hard Hands Bunsen Memorial Park. 1.30 tomorrow. Let's all go out and cheer our team. In Lake Wobegon, Minnesota, where all the women are strong and the men are good looking and all the children are above average.
1980.06.06 Spokane Spokesman-Review / Audio of the News available as a digital download.
Archival contributors: Ken Kuhl